Writing for idiots, and bored minds 101.

This column, has absolutely no scientific basis and is not supported by any particular school of , for the amateur writer who doesn't have much time to read 600 pages worth of 'how to write', I've concluded a few easy steps towards gathering your thoughts into meaningful and coherent pieces.

1. Never let an idea go to waste. Seriously even the silliest thoughts maybe acts of genius, without you knowing it. Even if the idea doesn't fit into the context of what you're writing at the time. Just write it down! Even a very brief plot can be merged into another story, making it much more interesting and brilliant!
2. You never know when inspiration is going to rain down on you. J.K Rowling thought of Harry Potter on the train. So simply be prepared. With the advancements in technology, most people can write down anything, anywhere on their mobile phone. If you have a touch screen that drives you mad! (like mine), then it would be wise to carry around a small notebook.
3. Writer's block is the worse thing that can happen to a writer. Been there, done that. It's frustrating and sometimes intolerably cruel! But it passes, so chill! So when you feel like your well has dried up: listen to some music, read something, or better yet watch some television. My English teacher once told me, that the night before an exam all you have to do is watch show series. However unlikely that may seem, it really does help.

1. Every great poem or story holds an even better personal story for it's writer. SO WHEN YOU'RE ANGRY WRITE! It helps, plus it's usually awesome.
2. Don't be weird.To write what is best, you must write what you know. Or you can go completely crazy, which is even better!

Well that's all I have for today. Join us again for another episode of writing for idiots and bored minds :D

A day in the life of an IG student.

I woke up at 5:30 A.M. No, wait 'woke up' would imply sleep.
I stopped trying to sleep at 5:30 A.M
It irritates me when I can't sleep, specifically when I've been trying for the past 3 days.
I scurried out of bed, brushed my teeth, and made my way down to the kitchen. I had 3 very concentrated cups of coffee, and mindlessly made my way back upstairs. I took a shower and got dressed.
3 more hours to go.
I had an anorexic breakfast, and watched some television, though I don't recall what it is I watched. When I had only an hour left, I thought it would be best to get some fresh air than stay at home and be one with my thoughts.
Today is my chemistry AS practical exam.

I took the long way to school. Killing as much time as I could. It was around quarter past eight, when I got to school. I ascended the stairs, entering the classroom that leads to the chemistry lab.
I entered the classroom, and found my friends, sitting silently,at a desk each. No one seemed to notice my entrance, except a few nods and smiles.
There seemed to be a form of ghostly presence in the room. Everyone was quietly facing the front, eyes blank, bodies rigid and tense. The few who weren't staring at the large black and white clock centred above the whiteboard, were staring into space or shifting in their seats, or whispering to themselves.
Probably revising, or praying.
I took a seat at the back, behind Sandra S. (I don't remember what her last name is, but it's something with an S)
She turned in my direction. I smiled and took a seat.
''Oh my God! I didn't sleep a wink yesterday! I'm going to fail! I'm going to screw up and break the apparatus, then I'm going to faint and get a U'', said Sandra in an anxious almost trembling voice.
Great this is just what I need, I thought, another nervous wreck, because I'm already feeling so perfectly serene inside.
''Calm down!'' I said with a forced smile,''You'll do great, don't worry.''
'' No I won't!'', she whimpered and then started breathing very fast and hard. A boy sitting on her left side even turned around to see where the noise was coming from.
I put my hands on her shoulders and said in the calmest tone I could muster, '' It's going to be fine ,okay? Repeat after me. I am calm and cool.''
Sandra closed her eyes, and repeated. '' I am calm and cool,'' she said, ''I am so calm and cool. I'm as cool as a cucumber. I'm so calm and cool I could be dead.Yes..I am dead.''
I stared at her with raised eyebrows, wondering whether I should call the nurse or burst out laughing.
She opened her eyes suddenly, wildly and said, '' Oh my God I'm going to die! I'm going to have a heart-attack and die!''
She started hyperventilating again. And just as I was about to start another therapy session, the door creaked open and our chemistry teacher entered, accompanied by an invigilator from the British council.
It's time.
They gave us a speech, about exam protocol, and lead us into the lab.
The apparatus was distributed or already there, I can't remember which.
At 9 o'clock the exam began.
I said my prayers and started.
It was barely 5 minutes into the exam, when Adam dropped his pipette. It crashed to the ground, and shattered.
Technically, breaking an instrument is not catastrophic. The lab is equipped well enough to supply any student with whatever they need.
But breaking an apparatus is an omen. Like the natural elements of the earth are rejecting your presence. It's a sign that you might not do well. But if you have enough self-confidence and stability, then it's not much of a problem.
Poor Adam, that'll do more damage to his performance than anything.
After the broken glass was cleaned up, everything proceeded smoothly for the most part, nothing to panic seriously about yet.Maybe my nightmares weren't going to come true.
For the past week I'd had dreams about my chemicals spontaneously bursting to flames, and my burette mutating into a monstrous beast and swallowing me whole.
I was beginning to loosen up,
when suddenly I hard shouts and screams. I looked around looking for the source, and found everyone quickly backing away from our table.
I looked up to find Adam's test tube over flowing with grey ooze.Smoke was coming out of it too. Vigorously, and frighteningly so. He was holding it at arm's distance, with a horror-struck expression. His arms started to shake, and I backed away quickly.
He let out a scream, before dropping the test-tube and holder. It shattered loudly on contact with the floor. We all started to scream as well.
Stress does strange things to people.
He ran screaming out of the room, and was followed by for or five of the more weak-hearted students, along with the invigilator who was shouting angry instructions.
I started to laugh. It was either that or I was going to cry.
I looked at the other side of the room to find Sandra rushing out, hands swaying in the air.
Now what?
I looked to my right side, at what was left of my own exam, only to find my burette swelling.
What the hell?
It started getting bigger and squeezed through the stand. But that's impossible! It's made of glass! I stood there mouth open, dazed. Maybe the sleep-deprivation was finally getting to me.
No, Mr.B was staring at it too.
I started to scream myself, and ran screaming out of the lab. I looked behind me to find the burette following my tracks. Clinking and clanking its way towards me.
Death by chemistry. Not very glamorous.

Sometime around two in the morning, I woke up screaming. ''That's it!'', I thought, ''If I have this dream one more time I am going to seek professional help!''
Considering the fact that I graduated 3 years ago, and am still having dreams about an exam that ended and went well, Not to mention the mild depression I get around the months of June November and January, for no reason. Professional help wouldn't be asking too much.