How to not be a social outcast

I'm waiting for my laptop to charge so I thought I'd write this meaningful, insightful, basically invaluable guide on how not to be a social outcast, at least not entirely any way. I'm not saying I'm not a social outcast, I'm also not saying this will be of any use to you at all but you've read this far and so you might as well continue reading really.

I made this- to illustrate my point more clearly

1. Don't be so negative you suck all the breathable air out of a room. You know what's terrible, people who only talk about the things they hate, the things that infuriate them, all the little faults and idiosyncrasies in every passing acquaintance that are deplorable and should be pointed out with such frequency that you just want to end your own life by sniffing on a highlighter pen. Or something like that. Please oh ball of misery and doom, eat some french fries or something, particularly sweet potato fries. There really is more to life than all the bad things you insist on seeing although not much more than sweet potato fries. And isn't the most wonderful sight in the world, seeing someone talk about something they are truly passionate about, the way their eyes light up as they speak and their use of dramatic hand gestures?

2. Smile. It really is that simple.

3.Say nice things to people like : I like your shoes, well done on your presentation, would you like some chewing gum? etc.

4. Take an active interest in people's lives, the books they read, the music they listen to.

5.Learn things about your friends; their favourite colour, their favourite band, what their allergic to (this one is important, like have you seen My Girl??), what topics they are sensitive about discussing and so on.

6. If you're having an argument with someone, it's not always so important to be right. Seriously, just shut up and walk away, it's not worth it.

7. Don't pretend to know/like something you haven't the foggiest about, it'll make you look like a pathetic little social-climbing wannabe and a liar  fool.

8. Don't be afraid to ask people to hang out with you or throw a party or plan social gathering or organize a meal out or a day out or a trip, basically don't sit around waiting for people to invite you to things. The worst thing that can happen is that no one will show up, to the alternative of no one showing up.

9. Be happy and secure enough in yourself that you can enjoy your own company. warning: not to be taken too far that you turn into catless crazy cat lady.

10. Don't tolerate disrespect. If someone is constantly verbally abusing you, talking about you behind your back, and being a meanie for no reason, then that person is not your friend and you deserve better. Simply walk away. (Also refer to number 9)

11. Be compassionate. Be empathetic. Not everyone hurts the same way, so give everyone a break every now and then. (However always refer to number 10)

12. Be an interesting person, for God's sake.

13. Don't be afraid of people, they will most likely not physically assault you unprovoked and hence are only as terrifying as your imagination.

14. Be busy, do things, have hobbies, read, have ideas, have goals, have ambitions, for God's sake. (refer to number 11)

15. Go up to people and say Hi, How are you, What's your name? then keep going

If you are a nice, interesting, compassionate, respectful, positive, amicable being i really don't see why you would be a social outcast. Unless you are perhaps communicating with a different species and there's like a massive impenetrable language/ecological barrier, but I'm sure even whales would warm up to you eventually.

How to Survive Over Thinking and Turn out Normal: Chapter 1

Hey you!

Do you suffer from over thinking? Do you over-analyse every possible situation ever presented to you? Are you prone to two hour conversations with people representing both parties in your mind? Do you panic at the thought of meeting someone new/ making new friends/ deciding on a pizza topping? Do you get irrationally upset when an unseen scenario - not one of the ones you played very carefully in your head- unfolds, such as the removal of Southwestern Cob salad from the Chillis menu? Do you construct other people's opinions of yourself through information you have gathered from smiles, handshakes, tones of voice and the use of pop culture references you don't understand? Do you sometimes feel like you're just going to suffocate and die?!
If the answer to all these questions is yes, perhaps you should probably speak to a psychiatrist.
If the concept of mental illness is alien and impervious to you, or if you simply can't afford/ don't believe in treatment, then just read this!
N.B this post may not help you at all, but here's to knowing there are others out there just like you!

I'll give you some background: I'm a scorpio, and you know what that means... no? well of course not because horoscopes are a load of rubbish anyway.

Now that you know enough about me I'm just going to jump right into the story of how I eventually managed to tell my brain to ''seriously,  just shut up!''. I was probably about thirteen or fourteen, and I had reached a point where I couldn't even stop the incessant chatter in my head to perceive the world as it actually was. I was a big angry ball of self-loathing and pessimism. Every now and then a soft squeaky little voice - picture Nibbles from Tom and Jerry speaking to you through a cup phone- would try and throw something good in there, but my ravenous demons would eat it up . It then occurred to me that whenever I was undertaking a thought process, three main opinions were dominant:

The angry voice of pure unadulterated negativity - who hated everything I did or ever contemplated doing, and constantly reminded me of how undeserving of life I was.

The indifferent placid voice - that rarely intervened but was always there to end any argument by stating that there were far more important and interesting things happening elsewhere in the universe than whatever I was mulling over.

The wise realist - this voice had about a third of Angry Negativity's power, but somehow whatever it came up with always resonated much deeper within me.

I decided that it would be much easier, and more entertaining, if I gave a face to each of these voices. Placid Indifferent and Wise Realist were Marley and Marley ( the two old ghosts from The Muppet Christmas Carol), and Angry Voice of Hatred was an evil redhead called Mona. Excuse my poor excuse for an imagination but during the better half of my tween years my mind was more or less consumed in maintaining an eating disorder. I could actually visualize them in my head, saying all the mean/fair/ slap-you-back-into-reality things that they said. Don't worry, all three of them can testify for my sanity.

Marley and Marley would debate for hours, and they'd make jokes and laugh and laugh, and sometimes I laughed with them.Mona was an ugly hag, and as her voice grew more and more annoying, and the things she was saying grew more and more far-fetched, I stopped listening.

Eventually I chucked her out for suspicion of being an evil Jinni woman, and put Nibbles back in her place. (For those of you who don't know Nibbles is the cutest thing to ever happen to the world)

Then it was just me, Nibbles, Marley and Marley. Over time the three of them sort of got absorbed into my own  consciousness, and I could think like all three of them together. I could be optimistic, realistic and indifferent all at the same time. The damage Mona had done will always be with me, and she does make comebacks every now and then, but it's not a 'Mona' any more, it's not some unknown indomitable force to be reckoned with. It's just me and I can more or less deal with myself now. 

The moral of the story is, whenever you feel like there's too much chatter going on inside your head, assign each voice to a fictional character of your choosing. Make them ridiculous and free spirited, and then realize that their opinion of you means nothing, and that you can chuck them out of your head whenever you want. 

This is the prequel to my book series on How to Grow up Normal According to Society, bye.

BIG NEWS

Oh hello,
I know I haven't posted anything in roughly a millennium, but that's all about to change. You see I have decided that I'm actually going to start posting things I think and feel (since thought catalog hasn't responded to anything I've sent them yet) THIS IS MY VESSEL AND I WILL FILL IT WITH MY OWN NONSENSE!
So thanks for following me so far, I'm sure the rest of the internet is still okay.