How to not be a social outcast

I'm waiting for my laptop to charge so I thought I'd write this meaningful, insightful, basically invaluable guide on how not to be a social outcast, at least not entirely any way. I'm not saying I'm not a social outcast, I'm also not saying this will be of any use to you at all but you've read this far and so you might as well continue reading really.

I made this- to illustrate my point more clearly

1. Don't be so negative you suck all the breathable air out of a room. You know what's terrible, people who only talk about the things they hate, the things that infuriate them, all the little faults and idiosyncrasies in every passing acquaintance that are deplorable and should be pointed out with such frequency that you just want to end your own life by sniffing on a highlighter pen. Or something like that. Please oh ball of misery and doom, eat some french fries or something, particularly sweet potato fries. There really is more to life than all the bad things you insist on seeing although not much more than sweet potato fries. And isn't the most wonderful sight in the world, seeing someone talk about something they are truly passionate about, the way their eyes light up as they speak and their use of dramatic hand gestures?

2. Smile. It really is that simple.

3.Say nice things to people like : I like your shoes, well done on your presentation, would you like some chewing gum? etc.

4. Take an active interest in people's lives, the books they read, the music they listen to.

5.Learn things about your friends; their favourite colour, their favourite band, what their allergic to (this one is important, like have you seen My Girl??), what topics they are sensitive about discussing and so on.

6. If you're having an argument with someone, it's not always so important to be right. Seriously, just shut up and walk away, it's not worth it.

7. Don't pretend to know/like something you haven't the foggiest about, it'll make you look like a pathetic little social-climbing wannabe and a liar  fool.

8. Don't be afraid to ask people to hang out with you or throw a party or plan social gathering or organize a meal out or a day out or a trip, basically don't sit around waiting for people to invite you to things. The worst thing that can happen is that no one will show up, to the alternative of no one showing up.

9. Be happy and secure enough in yourself that you can enjoy your own company. warning: not to be taken too far that you turn into catless crazy cat lady.

10. Don't tolerate disrespect. If someone is constantly verbally abusing you, talking about you behind your back, and being a meanie for no reason, then that person is not your friend and you deserve better. Simply walk away. (Also refer to number 9)

11. Be compassionate. Be empathetic. Not everyone hurts the same way, so give everyone a break every now and then. (However always refer to number 10)

12. Be an interesting person, for God's sake.

13. Don't be afraid of people, they will most likely not physically assault you unprovoked and hence are only as terrifying as your imagination.

14. Be busy, do things, have hobbies, read, have ideas, have goals, have ambitions, for God's sake. (refer to number 11)

15. Go up to people and say Hi, How are you, What's your name? then keep going

If you are a nice, interesting, compassionate, respectful, positive, amicable being i really don't see why you would be a social outcast. Unless you are perhaps communicating with a different species and there's like a massive impenetrable language/ecological barrier, but I'm sure even whales would warm up to you eventually.

How to Survive Over Thinking and Turn out Normal: Chapter 1

Hey you!

Do you suffer from over thinking? Do you over-analyse every possible situation ever presented to you? Are you prone to two hour conversations with people representing both parties in your mind? Do you panic at the thought of meeting someone new/ making new friends/ deciding on a pizza topping? Do you get irrationally upset when an unseen scenario - not one of the ones you played very carefully in your head- unfolds, such as the removal of Southwestern Cob salad from the Chillis menu? Do you construct other people's opinions of yourself through information you have gathered from smiles, handshakes, tones of voice and the use of pop culture references you don't understand? Do you sometimes feel like you're just going to suffocate and die?!
If the answer to all these questions is yes, perhaps you should probably speak to a psychiatrist.
If the concept of mental illness is alien and impervious to you, or if you simply can't afford/ don't believe in treatment, then just read this!
N.B this post may not help you at all, but here's to knowing there are others out there just like you!

I'll give you some background: I'm a scorpio, and you know what that means... no? well of course not because horoscopes are a load of rubbish anyway.

Now that you know enough about me I'm just going to jump right into the story of how I eventually managed to tell my brain to ''seriously,  just shut up!''. I was probably about thirteen or fourteen, and I had reached a point where I couldn't even stop the incessant chatter in my head to perceive the world as it actually was. I was a big angry ball of self-loathing and pessimism. Every now and then a soft squeaky little voice - picture Nibbles from Tom and Jerry speaking to you through a cup phone- would try and throw something good in there, but my ravenous demons would eat it up . It then occurred to me that whenever I was undertaking a thought process, three main opinions were dominant:

The angry voice of pure unadulterated negativity - who hated everything I did or ever contemplated doing, and constantly reminded me of how undeserving of life I was.

The indifferent placid voice - that rarely intervened but was always there to end any argument by stating that there were far more important and interesting things happening elsewhere in the universe than whatever I was mulling over.

The wise realist - this voice had about a third of Angry Negativity's power, but somehow whatever it came up with always resonated much deeper within me.

I decided that it would be much easier, and more entertaining, if I gave a face to each of these voices. Placid Indifferent and Wise Realist were Marley and Marley ( the two old ghosts from The Muppet Christmas Carol), and Angry Voice of Hatred was an evil redhead called Mona. Excuse my poor excuse for an imagination but during the better half of my tween years my mind was more or less consumed in maintaining an eating disorder. I could actually visualize them in my head, saying all the mean/fair/ slap-you-back-into-reality things that they said. Don't worry, all three of them can testify for my sanity.

Marley and Marley would debate for hours, and they'd make jokes and laugh and laugh, and sometimes I laughed with them.Mona was an ugly hag, and as her voice grew more and more annoying, and the things she was saying grew more and more far-fetched, I stopped listening.

Eventually I chucked her out for suspicion of being an evil Jinni woman, and put Nibbles back in her place. (For those of you who don't know Nibbles is the cutest thing to ever happen to the world)

Then it was just me, Nibbles, Marley and Marley. Over time the three of them sort of got absorbed into my own  consciousness, and I could think like all three of them together. I could be optimistic, realistic and indifferent all at the same time. The damage Mona had done will always be with me, and she does make comebacks every now and then, but it's not a 'Mona' any more, it's not some unknown indomitable force to be reckoned with. It's just me and I can more or less deal with myself now. 

The moral of the story is, whenever you feel like there's too much chatter going on inside your head, assign each voice to a fictional character of your choosing. Make them ridiculous and free spirited, and then realize that their opinion of you means nothing, and that you can chuck them out of your head whenever you want. 

This is the prequel to my book series on How to Grow up Normal According to Society, bye.

BIG NEWS

Oh hello,
I know I haven't posted anything in roughly a millennium, but that's all about to change. You see I have decided that I'm actually going to start posting things I think and feel (since thought catalog hasn't responded to anything I've sent them yet) THIS IS MY VESSEL AND I WILL FILL IT WITH MY OWN NONSENSE!
So thanks for following me so far, I'm sure the rest of the internet is still okay.

Glass

I’m going to do another 20 minute challenge, given one word: ‘Glass’. I know I haven’t written in six months, and probably can’t write a decent thing to save my life anymore but here goes.

Glass

http://beautifulpictureshd.com/2012/06/14/black-and-white-pictures/black_and_white_pictures_broken_glass/

It’s so pristine, and clear and flawless.

 It didn't used to be, but that’s how it’s become.

 It used to scare you if it smashed to the ground, a million little pieces you couldn't see.

How it would hurt you, and tear through your skin, or maybe lodge in somewhere where you could never find it, until it tore through your insides.

 It is transparent like the truth you wish you could hide from everyone, but even your reflection screams it.

In its perfection, it is daunting.

 A plane so smooth, like a gateway into somewhere secret,

It’s waiting.

 It is a barrier; unyielding.

 Steady and high, it keeps you.

 Scratch the walls, and hear their screeches

You've come so far.  

But why do you stop, when you can see everything behind it?

These hands are too small to break glass walls,

 but maybe they’ll paint them red.

Writing for idiots, and bored minds 101.

This column, has absolutely no scientific basis and is not supported by any particular school of English. However, for the amateur writer who doesn't have much time to read 600 pages worth of 'how to write', I've concluded a few easy steps towards gathering your thoughts into meaningful and coherent pieces.

TIPS OF THE SELF-PROCLAIMED GURU! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

1. Never let an idea go to waste. Seriously even the silliest thoughts maybe acts of genius, without you knowing it. Even if the idea doesn't fit into the context of what you're writing at the time. Just write it down! Even a very brief plot can be merged into another story, making it much more interesting and brilliant!

2.You never know when inspiration is going to rain down on you. J.K Rowling thought

of Harry Potter on the train. So simply be prepared!

With the advancements in technology, most people can

write down anything, anywhere on their mobile phone. If you have a mentally challenged touch screen that drives you insane! (like mine), then it would be wise to carry around a small notebook.

3. EMOTION! EMOTION! EMOTION!

Every great poem or story holds an even better personal story for it's writer. SO WHEN YOU'RE ANGRY WRITE! It helps, plus it's usually awesome.

4. Don't be weird.To write what is best, you must write what you know. Or you can go completely crazy, which is even better!

5. Writer's block is the worse thing that can happen to a writer. Been there, done that. It's frustrating and sometimes intolerably cruel! But it passes, so chill! So when you feel like your well has dried up: listen to some music, read something, or better yet watch some television. My English teacher once told me, that the night before an exam all you have to do is watch show series. However unlikely that may seem, it really does help.

Well, That's all I've got for today, but I promise to provide more useful nonsense ASAP.

Join us again for another episode of writing for idiots and bored minds 101.

How to write a great character sketch/ Description.

Remember,

This column has absoloutely no scientific basis, and is not supported by any particular school of english.

What always impresses me about any story, is a strong foundation of unique and interesting characters. Even if the story is based on the perspective of a single character in his/her narrative voice, the presence of contrasting personalities and variable psyches broadens the dimensions of the tale. The psychologies and motives of the main characters may not arise until the midlle or end of the story, however there are many ways to convey the complex and distinctive personality of a character, thereby giving your readers hints about what this character's end will come to. This makes the story even more exciting when said character pulls a perfectly ,contradictory-to-all-their-previously mentioned-traits stunt.Like the revelation of Severus Snape's true agenda.

When the story is just begining, a character sketch, no matter how brief can be used to make even the most mundane and unintersting characters seem bizarre and significant.

Here are a few tips on how to write a great character sketch/description.


1. Implent psycho-analytic tools in your description.

for example: He embodied self-loathing.His feet dragged beneath him, eyes firmly fixed on the ground at all times, and had a posture that was made to scare crows away.

In this description, the reader is meant to percieve the character as a person with mere fragments of self-esteem, who seems to have no interest in achieving a particular goal or purpose in life.

IN contrary to someone with ''A stride that challenged the earth beneath it.''


2. Don't stick to every-day adjectives, use interesting, even slightly bizarre ones.

e.g: He had boulder shoulders and porcuppine hair.


3. Describe your characters using words that transport their emotions into the readers mind.

e.g: She had tense shoulders, and a strange excitement in her eyes.


4. Don't be too descriptive. One thing that can be very irritating for a reader, is when the writer goes on and on and on about something, like the characters clothing, that they forget what was going on in the first place.


5.Don't be too vague and abstract, and please don't use the elements of nature in your description, especially if they have nothing to do with what you're talking about! Remember not all minds operate on the same frequency, you might know what ''a smile of rainbows means'' but to me it just sounds like someone had too many fruity loops.


6.Be brief, but important. Try to put as much meaning into small, coherent sentences as possible.


Here's a short character sketch I wrote for my friend, just for fun:

If ever positive energy could be emobied into a being, it would be embodied into Rana A.B. She had a slim athletic figure, to complement her active state of mind. She could probably make boulders smile if she tried. She had dark hair and eyes, and an olive-toned egyptian complexion. But there was a certain brightness and beauty that emitted from the purity of her soul. She was not one to back down or shy away, and had enough confidence to practice kindness to everyone.


That's all for now, please excuse my punctuation.

Join us again, for another episode of writing for idiots and bored minds! :D
image taken from: http://www.tubeonline.info/.

The kettle

This is not a particularly strange week end; this is a typical end of week experience. I am tired and cold, also irritated. As usual there is nothing for me to do this Friday night. I imagined at this point in my life I would be the owner of a fully packed, riveting, and potentially enviable social calendar. Alas, that is not the case at least not in this dim and insignificant period of my existence. In a few years when I look back upon this frame of time, I shall regret not making use of it, in exercise or targeted reading, but I’d like to think in a few years I will not remember this time at all. Yes, that is much better; I shall pretend this time does not exist at all. In fact neither do I, not now, not until I find something useful to occupy my time with.

I stand up and walk towards the window. I could throw myself from it right now, no one would even notice. Except maybe my cat, but it might take him a week or so. Unless I fall, and leave the window open, then he will not realise that his source of sustenance has disappeared, and will simply crawl  out the window to a less negligent care-taker. It is a saddening thought that I must remember to isolate my domestic pet before leaping to a sudden death in order for my swift departure from this earth to gain some momentum.

It’s not as if the cat will gather my relatives, preach them on the fleetingness of life, and warn them of their near ends. Nor will he speak on my behalf on the wrongs they have committed, the injustices and betrayals. My brother, who obstructed any form of kindness that dared steer in my direction, and stole all of my Halloween sweets from under my bed. My uncle who made me clean out fish guts at the age of seven, permanently scarring me for life. My mother, who consistently compared me to her dog. My father, who implanted within me an irrational fear of balloon animals, and aluminium foil, and the list, goes onwards.

I walk away from the window, realising I am too much of a coward to actually take my own life, and that no one would truly benefit from my death, as I have no life insurance. I try to remember something, something I had forgotten something that may very well be the reason I am so irritated. What is it that is so compelling that it picks away at my peace of mind, yet does not reveal itself? Could I have been so completely lost in thought, that I have no recollection whatsoever of this single crucial detail that is hindering the natural progression of my life?

And then the sound goes off, a loud piercing whistle of steam escaping a metallic whole. I am suddenly reunited with rational thought and remember that I had left some water to boil on the stove, which I had forgotten about in my suicidal trail of thought. I walk to the kitchen, to make myself some pot noodles, and everything is right again in the world.